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By Lisa Paisley-Cleveland The Promise: Marriage, there is no other relationship that can manifest all that is good than when two hearts come together as one. Such a union is so very powerful; it embodies the depth, power and joy of love. When it truly works it transcends all that can be adequately described by words. At the same time, there is no institution (marriage) that is more disrespected and defiled. There is no gift that is more unappreciated. There is no seed left more unattended, and no opportunity more missed. Yet the strivings to enter its doors remain as consistent as its failures. Such strivings is the best demonstration of an underlying drive, which has faith in the promised possibilities of marriage at its core. Such striving toward marriage is also our best indication that it is much larger than the two people it immediately surrounds. It holds much more than what is seen and felt. It can be lifes most rewarding journey by which we have the opportunity to experience the world not through our eyes only. Perhaps it is because of the promise marriage holds why the emotional pain can be devastating when betrayal occurs. A core tenet of marriage is fidelity. Yet adultery is most citied as the primary reason for failed marriages. Make no mistake that emotional adultery is just as serious and can also do serious harm to a relationship. However, there are marriages that have survived the serious blow that infidelity caused to its core foundation of trust, and have even emerged much stronger. The question is how? For the purpose of this discussion let us not dwell on familial issues, or needs tied to gender differences, demographic realities, social structure, cultural issues, etc. The intent is certainly not to devalue any of these underlying issues (as they pertain to your situation they will certainly need to be addressed), but marriage is the most personal and intimate bond between two people, and when betrayal occurs very little thought is immediately given to such issues. So let us instead focus on the immediate crisis. What to do I do if it happens to me? How do I get through the pain? When it Happens to Me: It is important, for the one who is betrayed to understand that you should not face this situation alone. Yes, you will need to be concerned about whom you seek out for help and advice. For example, there may be family members who will be opposed to the final outcome, whatever it might be, and will therefore offer little support when needed. This is added emotional stress that you should try to avoid. You may also be concerned about not damaging the image or status of your spouse, especially if you have children. However, these considerations should not stop you from securing help. If you have a religious affiliation this is the time to seek out spiritual guidance and instruction. Professional counseling, even if it is brief in duration and does not include your spouse, for now, may also be very helpful. During the period of discovery is not the time for the injured spouse to make life changing decisions. This would be analogous to experiencing a head-on collision and somehow stumbling into a bank to discuss a new business plan. You must give yourself some time and some distance from the initial shock and devastation. Your emotions are highly charged, you could even feel physically sick, and your coping skills may well be weakened. You will need time to fully digest, face and deal with your intense feelings of betrayal, anger and even blame. Time will be your best ally as you work through your intense emotions. Taking Inventory of the Damage: You and your spouse are individually taking inventory of the extent of the damage to your marriage. This inventory of the damage may take some time. As the injured party your emotions will lead you to feel very differently toward your partner. There will probably be new considerations of things you are willing to do or not willing to do, in relation to your role as spouse. You will need to think this through and communicate different rules and expectations during this period. As you reflect on the event unwanted thoughts will haunt you and intrude on your few moments of peace; new pieces of information will surface and you will soon realize that there are unexpected health concerns, STDs and HIV/AIDS, which you must face. Take action to find answers to these possible health issues so that this source of anxiety can get resolved. There are certainly enough reasons for a profound sense of sadness to begin to engulf you, as the weight of the consequences of this one act seem to be unending. But in your darkest moments believe this, you will not always feel this way; you will survive and claim victory over your life; this pain will eventually pass. One of the secrets to enduring a painful experience is to understand that it is temporary and while you are going through it you must continue to be an active participant of life. As bad as you might feel, this is not the time to be idle or mope around feeling sorry for yourself. Force yourself to seek out new projects, preoccupy your time with enjoyable activities, and behave as if things are fine; because in time they will be. Trouble has a way of transforming and strengthening its victims, but you must do your part. Do not allow yourself to stay preoccupied by the sadness of this moment. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen During the inventory of the damage period an honest reflection on your relationship prior to the event is in order. Such reflection should focus on the quality of the overall relationship and may include questions such as: Was there a real sense of closeness and love in the relationship, or was it a troubled marriage where problems and issues were never addressed? Was your spouse committed to his/her children? Do you love your spouse? Do you believe that your spouse loves you? Underneath the hurt, there will remain a truth about your feelings for your spouse that only you will know and understand. This truth will be one of the most important factors in determining if the relationship can be repaired and restored. Another critical factor is your children. If you have children you do not have to be told that the situation is just not about us (husband and wife). Children tend to accept blame for all of the problems between parents. It will be important to be as honest as possible without sharing the hurtful details. You may at some point forgive your spouse, but this betrayal of trust can be a bit much for a child to handle, and may result in long-term consequences. To say, Dad and Mom are going through a difficult time right now, as many married couples do, and it has nothing to do with what you did or did not do does not ignore the tension and anger that surely exists and offers some small level of reassurance. Such reassurance, about the problem not being their fault should be provided as often as needed. Make sure that your spouse is communicating the same message. An important consideration when evaluating the damage to the relationship is how your spouse appears to be feeling. What is he/she communicating about the situation? Is there genuine remorse, or lack of, that your spouse is communicating verbally and/or non-verbally? Is he/she fighting to save the marriage? Has the infidelity stopped, in no uncertain terms? Does he/she consistently demonstrate a willingness to do whatever is necessary to save the marriage? Or are you being blamed for his/her infidelity? The Issue of Blame: For women the issue of blame and how some women tend, even now, to accept responsibility for acts against them, reflects an unkind history in relation to the treatment and attitudes held toward women. If, at some level, you are viewing yourself as being responsible for the offense, then the offender is receiving a pardon for his behavior. Understand that accepting blame for your husbands infidelity eliminates one of the necessary preconditions for the healing process, should you and your spouse decide to work on repairing the relationship. This precondition involves an honest look at the offense and an acceptance of responsibility by the offender. An expanded look at this complicated issue will be presented in the next article. Acceptance of a Decision: At some point both you and your spouse will move toward acceptance in relation to the fate of the marriage. The seriousness of adultery is viewed as a justifiable reason for divorce both legally and biblically, as marriage is intended to be an exclusive bond. Therefore, a decision to terminate the marriage due to adultery must be respectfully viewed as a legitimate option. However, marriage is also intended to be a lifelong enduring bond, able to withstand disappointments, tribulations and attacks. The process involved in moving through the pain may bring you to a place where you seek to repair and restore your relationship. Do not feel ashamed or belittled about arriving at this place. Because your marriage has suffered a serious blow does not mean it is not worthy of another chance. The Process of Forgiving: Once you have made a decision to save your marriage, you must begin the difficult process of forgiving your spouse. The most important step toward healing a broken relationship is forgiveness and this is a tall order given the degree of pain and anguish suffered. Meaningful forgiveness is thoughtful and purposeful and seeks new solutions. In forgiveness a new beginning can be found and a stronger foundation can be laid. The process of forgiveness will require:  A truthful and honest view of the offense without minimization or exaggeration;  Genuine demonstrations of regret and remorse by the offending spouse and an understanding of the pain and suffering caused ;  Release of the offender, by the betrayed, of any obligation to make up for his/her offense; and  Release of bitterness and harbored resentment as a result of the offense. This process helps to put both you and your spouse in a frame of mind and spirit where you both can begin to seek ways to work on restoring the relationship. However, this is a process which requires a level of emotional maturity, may span a period of years, and will experience peaks and valleys. Fulfilling the Promise: As mentioned in the beginning, marriage is much larger than the two people it surrounds; therefore, seeking spiritual guidance and instruction and/or professional help cannot be emphasized enough. Additionally, there is an opportunity here to finally deal with issues that may continue to cause damage to your marriage if left unresolved. There will be hard work ahead but the reward could be a GEM of a relationship. The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest Lisa Paisley-Cleveland, LCSW www.just-between-us.net Lisa Paisley-Cleveland, LCSW, CEOSharpervision Consultants, LLCDedicated to helping adults improve skills for postivie and healthy relationships at work and in their personal lives.www.just-between-us.net Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_Paisley-Cleveland http://EzineArticles.com/?Adultery:-Getting-Through-the-Pain,–A-Conversation-with-the-Betrayed&id=295354 pay day loan 100 faxless payday loans with no credit check hard money loaners maine car loan for bad credit in florida

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By James Brito Up until a few months ago, I always looked at “alpha males” in completely negative terms. I saw them as pretentious, obnoxious, cocky and arrogant. The only reason they got women, I thought, was because women are lame, dense, and go for pricks. The alpha males success has nothing to do with them, I said, and everything to do with nice girls, going for bad boys. But over the last few months, my attitude has changed. Ive actually found that adopting an “alpha attitude” is crucial towards attracting women. In fact, the guys who do best with women arent necessarily jocks; theyre just the ones who are assertive, ambitious, confident and clever: in short, they are decidedly alpha. What transformed my perception? Well, it was a best friend who taught memans best friend, to be exact. My attitude changed as a result of none other than learning about dog training. Alpha-dog training, to be exact. Heres what I discovered: As dogs today are still pack animals, with the same instincts as “a pack of wolves,” its important for dog owners to behave like the “Alpha”, or leader, of the group. In the wild, dogs would follow a structure, and in the absence of a solid “alpha” leader, the “betas” and “omegas” of the pack would rebel. So as a dog owner, if you dont make it clear to the dog that YOU are the leaderby eating first, going through doorways first, etc.its all over from there: these wolf-like creatures are going to do the complete opposite of what you tell them to, and even become aggressive and untame. Sounds kind of like what happens if you let girls run all over you, doesnt it? However, if you are firm and consistent in asserting yourself as the Alpha of your dogs “pack” (ie, the family household), he will respect you and do what he or she is told. Youll avoid so many problems, just by taking the time to show a dog that YOU are the boss. Because, much like women, dogs WANT someone whos in control. They dont want to have take up the role of leader themselves. Theyll actually love you more when you walk around with pride and confidence. Theres more we can apply to female attraction from alpha dog training. When a low-ranking dog rebels against the “top dog,” successful dog trainers do the same things alpha wolves do in the wild: they ignore the dog for a couple days, until it comes back apologetic and willing to do what it is told. If the dog acts well upon return, he is rewarded and given the socialization and attention he needs. As youll learn below, you can use this same principles towards ladies you meet at a bar or club. Of course, you cant go overboard. A dog that obeys out of fear does not behave as well as a dog who behaves out of respect. In fact, its been found that being too assertive and physical with a dog will only lead to aggressive and reckless behaviors. So it pays to be firm, but not brutal. Just like with the ladiesyou want to be confident and assertive, but not arrogant and mean. Here are some more benefits to carrying “alpha attitude” around the ladies: * By asserting yourself as the leadersomeone to be respected, not fearedyou gain peoples respect. As I said, females dont want to have to adopt male leadership themselves; they just want to be around someone whos not afraid to be a stand-up, assertive kind of man. But let me be clear: women dont want an insecure guy who feels he has to act macho and sexist to get his buddies approval, like so many jocks, but a guy who naturally acts confident, and expects people to show him respect. Thats what youre aiming for, and thats what women who are worth your time want. * Conversely, by being the “follower” instead of the “followed,” people, especially girls, will treat you as what you present: someone whos not a leader, someone whos NOT confident, tough, and full of power; in short, someone whos not full of value. You get what you give, so its up to you to GIVE a lot! * When a girl, particularly one youve just met at a bar or any social venue, treats you with disrespect, its up to you, as the “alpha male,” to ignore her. Shut her out, move on, and shell eventually come back to you the same way a dog would: with her tail between her legs, apologetic, and hungry for your respect. But dont address her until youre sure you have her respect, otherwise youre allowing her to “move up the pack,” which, as with dogs, will only create future problems. This actually goes to show why guys who ignore girls, get more than those who dote on them and act needy. Its all evolutionary. * Conversely, when a girl treats you well, gives you love, and yes, does as shes told (though Im not suggesting you guys bark out commands!), you must treat HER with respect. This especially applies to girlfriends, but also a girl youve only known or dated shortly: Show your thanks, show your appreciation, the same way an alpha leader would display love and affection upon a well-behaved canine. * You can even apply the alpha dog training to dates. Since the alpha leader eats first, chooses what to eat, and eats the biggest portions, YOU must decide where to eat on a date (dont let her choose the restaurant!), you mustnt be afraid to eat first (although social conventions do dictate that we must wait for both our plates to be served!), and you should get the best bites. If youre splitting a piece of cheesecake, for example, dont be afraid to dig in and get the best portion! The girl will actually respect you for it, much more so than if you bashfully gave up the best piece to her. Again, retain your position as the “top dog.” * Finally, you have to show that youre an alpha not just one-on-one, but also in groups. An alpha wolf doesnt gain his position by submitting to others in the pack; he asserts himself in front of others and makes it known that hes the leader. That doesnt mean you treat your buddies and strangers like crap; it just means you dont let them push you around. In short, you must a “stand-up guy.” That means standing up for yourself, AND standing up for your girl, by not taking crap from anyone. You dont have to be a jock to let people know they cant push you around. Here are some characteristics I consider part of a “stand-up guy”: - Clever/smart/cunning - Ambitious - Excited - Honorable - Dominant (not aggressive, but demonstrating superior social skills) - Stable - Fit (healthy lifestyle) - Curious - Balanced - Natural In short, it pays to be alpha. The best part is, You dont have to be a football player to do it. The lasting reward is feeling good about yourself, and getting the girls all the other alpha males get. Whats wrong with that? James Brito, author of “How to Be Irresistible to Women,” makes it easy to attract and build honest relationships with the women you want. To receive your free 6-part audio mini-course, please visit: http://www.000relationships.com/ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_Brito http://EzineArticles.com/?Secrets-to-Becoming-the-Alpha-Male&id=291420 payday advance jacksonville dc bad credit lender i need atleast a 5000 dollar loan with bad credit smart choice payday cash advance

By Damian Sofsian There are a lot of lovers of flora and fauna who go in for the creation of ponds. Those ponds that are created out of concrete also need to be given a final coat of Concrete Pond Sealer. This protects the concrete pond from the perils of snowing as well as thawing. Make sure that when you are getting your pond sealed with Concrete Pond Sealer you get at least two or three coats, whatever is recommended for the Concrete Pond Sealer that you happen to be using. It is possible to get these Concrete Pond Sealers in clear as well as colored finishes. The Concrete Pond Sealer helps in giving an added protection against lime to the pond. The use of the sealer is going to be determined by the porousness of the concrete. It is not advisable to use something like oil-based sealer for the pond, in case you intend to have life in the pond. It is actually a good idea to use a solvent-free Concrete Pond Sealer, as this would be an absolutely safe environment so the plants and animals in your pond will not be harmed in anyway. A case in point would be something like the Koi-Kote Concrete Pond Sealer. This sealer wouldn?t harm any of the fishes. It does not emit any smells or fumes, and it has a seamless lining which ensures that bacteria are unable to grow in such cases. While applying this Concrete Pond Sealer, make sure that the sand particles are removed, as the smoother the surface the better the quality of the finish that arises from it. There are also certain pond sealers that use the moisture present in the air to harden, and also give you the option of putting it onto slightly damp substrates. However, you should ensure that the substrate is sufficiently dry to be porous. Thus, use these Concrete Pond Sealers to good affect, and resolve your pond-lining problems. Concrete Sealer provides detailed information on Concrete Sealer, Concrete Floor Sealer, Concrete Driveway Sealer, Stamped Concrete Sealer and more. Concrete Sealer is affiliated with Concrete Sealers. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Damian_Sofsian http://EzineArticles.com/?Concrete-Pond-Sealer&id=278306 small loans until pay day for georgians sonoma sba loans cash-out fha loan unsecured signature loans

By Michael Bens The dictionary defines metabolism as the sum of all biochemical processes involved in life, or the sustaining of life. In application concerning our health, metabolism is related to the intake and use of food. In reference to the case in point it is our ability to utilize our food to the fullest extent. The bodys metabolism is a unique process for each individual person. No two people metabolize food at the same rate therefore no two people have the metabolism. We all use our calories at different rates, with different results. Our metabolism, like our fingerprints is unique to each of us. But the need to understand and accommodate this metabolism is an issue that we all face. Some people have really high rates of metabolism. In other words, when they consume food, their bodies burn it up almost as fast as then consume it. Then there are those of use who use our food intake so slowly, as to not even notice that were burning calories. These people who burn quickly are often slim and trim, the people who burn more slowly are the people with a tendency toward obesity. All of this metabolic process is related to our calorie intake, our vitamin and nutrition needs, our thyroid and endocrine production, and how well all of these processes come together. For years, people have sought ways to raise the metabolic rate. If you can raise someones metabolic rate, you are then better able to control the burn of calories, especially for overweight or obese people. This would make the goal of better or improved health a much easier reality for those people. Efforts to date have produced very little results. There are foods that we can consume that naturally raise our metabolic rate, but not to a great extent. What we need is a way to directly alter the rate. We need to be able to raise our metabolism to a point where we can actually see a benefit. Right now, the greatest results in raising our metabolism come from exercise and building our muscle mass, while reducing our body fat. Adding more muscle to the body, in turn causes us to burn more calories, and this helps to elevate our metabolic rate. What determines our metabolic rate, as far as our genetics? Generally, we tend to inherit the same tendencies for metabolic rates, body frames, and other related body functions from our parents. Thus, the origin of well, she comes from big people; naturally shes going to be big. Our metabolism functions also depend on how well we have taken care of our nutritional needs. The process of burning calories and creating energy is a delicate one, and one which must be carefully tended, or it can become imbalanced. It is often through these natural imbalances that we tend to inherit our metabolic rate. I believe through careful analysis, and attention to each persons unique needs, we could bring about a more natural balance of the metabolic burn vs. the calorie intake. To a level where optimal health and weight control are in equilibrium. For more great information visit Gabae Weight Loss the premiere resource for weight loss, diets, nutrition and living a great healthy life style! Also if you’re looking for more informative articles check out Gabae Weight Loss Articles. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Bens http://EzineArticles.com/?What-is-Metabolism?&id=160007 personal loan refinance fast track to cash flow faxless online payday loan pay day card